Daily Archive

Truck trouble on the road west yesterday made a few realities obvious. Foremost among them is the need for my fiscal responsibility to increase considerably.

Being free of debt – aside from that best of all possible debts, borrowed against future income – is not at all the same thing as being financially seaworthy enough to weather a breakdown.

Even a year ago this breakdown would have cascaded through quite a few personal levels. Before that, Maslow would’ve been rolling in his grave, and very well may have, given my abrupt demolitions of numerous accomplishments of substantial progress up the hierarchy.

This time, as so many before, help was on the way without my even asking for it. That may be what family is for but if that’s so I can be much better at holding up my end of whatever we’re in together.

And it all worked out. World’s most succinct obit, should be mine. The less I manage to get worked up about things and try to assume all the responsibilty when they go awry, the better. That’s one lesson I have learned.

But I’m not at the point where I’ve stopped doing either of those moves completely. The working up and the responsibility taking are still default modes. I just try to keep working on honing the response of my mental/emotional reset buttons.

Before any of this I was thinking about ambition, and the lack of it. Taking charge, and holding back. Zero-sum games I do not want to play.

Tonight it’s more along the lines of people I used to feel certain ways about but decidedly don’t and haven’t in a long time. Happier, there are also those I love more every single day. The balance of those is right where I like it.