Monthly Archive

Barring extreme conditions, I would much rather be cold and have to warm up, as opposed to being hot and having to cool down. The development of my self-cooling mechanism went a bit far in some strange directions, such that “heat” of any degree (notably anxiety-inducing situations like talking to people, and having them pay any kind of attention to me) can kick off an unstoppable cascade of events leading to my being drenched with sweat for no apparent reason.

It’s healthy to sweat, yes, but few people have seen someone sweat like I can sweat without the explanation of exertion, with the possible exception of regular attendees of those sauna-centric Scandinavian business meetings you hear about. I would *kill* at one of those meetings, my sweatiness blending right in with the scene rather than eclipsing the impression made by my wit/poise/professional demeanor. I could do sweaty business with the best of them, and sometimes wonder why I’ve never set my sights on a high-flying career in international arbitrage. Never for long, though.

Another oddity of my wiring which has remained intact despite the near-constant rewiring of neural circuits that we all enjoy as functioning human beings is my approach to matters financial. I would very much rather spend money than have money. Having money in any sum larger than the low double-digits makes me edgy and almost frantic. These are not emotions befitting an international businessperson.

The old adage about it burning a hole in a pocket applies in this case to the fevering up of my brain, and a corresponding direct threat to the integrity of my braincase.

The flush-times refrain in my brain goes a little something like this: there must be something, somewhere that I can buy that will improve the life of someone I care about, if not my own. Though really, what better way to improve my own life than by contributing materially to the happiness of others? And there is always something my magpie mind can fix upon as the “perfect” thing for someone out there, until all of that bothersome extra money is spent.

This is a short-term, stress-conjuring way to live. I realize it, but am no less beholden to this deeply-ingrained habit. It feels like an imperative impulse, just shy of an instinct, and as much as I try to examine it from an evolutionary perspective to get at the heart of what level of sense it makes through that lens (not a deep level), it eludes my practicality at every opportunity.

I do love a bargain, and most of the things I spend money on fit that category to a T, so I’ve got that going for me, which is nice, but is not really an effective compensatory strategy and may even make things worse by allowing me to get more for the money. Which I do work hard for, make no mistake. Maybe I just like being useful, okay.

Perhaps something will short-circuit or vital neural pathways of penny-pinching will coalesce as I wade further into my thirties and I will begin to live my budget as though it is a treasure map to a financially prosperous future.

For now I ‘m lucky to get to each next paycheck with a few cents still in the black. It would seem that I like it that way. If it’s thrills I’m seeking I’m sure I could do better, so maybe actively seeking adventure in other arenas will help.